Historical Post: What Ever Happened to Honesty Oct 18, 2015

What ever happened to honesty

October 18, 2015 by julieannhowe

Life can come with some difficult choices and can really be hard sometimes.  One of those choices I don’t really understand people struggling with so much is the choice to be honest to others.  There is nothing that gets under my skin more than having someone lie to me regarding something, or honestly even just neglecting to give the full truth.

When lied to, that feeling of betrayal is horrific.  I mean in this day and age, trusting another soul is a difficult task.  To let someone into the inner circle of trust to find yourself taken advantage of and betrayed is a difficult thing to swallow.  I have personally faced lies from people on enough occasions to now avoid adding a lot of friendships to my life and limiting those I hold close.

I think the part that always upsets me the most about dishonesty is that I feel as if the person who is being dishonest doesn’t trust me with the truth.  Let’s be real here, I’m not a little person, I’m chunky or “thick” as some might say.  I have faced my share of rejection in life and I like to consider myself a pro where rejection is concerned.  I have also been dealt some of the WORST behaviors any human being should have to go through that included a ton of pain and suffering… what you have to say to me is not likely to trump the other things I have overcome in this life!  Seriously people, if you don’t think I can’t handle it, you are not just naive, you are flat out stupidly kidding yourself.

In light of a lie, it is pretty amazing what one’s mind can do to compensate for the lack of understanding the lie leaves behind.  Let us think on this for a moment.  In dating, you can make the choice to try to approach people as yourself or as someone you are falsifying.  What is your long term goal with dating?  Is it to be a douche bag and get yourself a piece and move on, or are you really looking for that inner connection with someone?  Are you after the long term love interest or just in the moment?  I don’t know how many times I have met someone who has claimed to want the long term, but then has not interest to even meet after weeks/months of chatting, or even better meets and claims all this great but then vanishes or something.  Here’s the thing, NOT EVERYONE IS MEANT FOR YOU, and it’s totally okay to say, hey, I don’t feel a connection, or I had a nice time and you seem great but I don’t think you are the one for me.  I don’t want, ever, to be with someone because it was convenient or they didn’t have the heart to tell me they didn’t have the feelings they hoped they would for me.

When it comes down to it, being yourself is the only way that you can find the person you are meant to be with.  You can’t sit back selling yourself on the false pretenses of someone you aren’t.  In the long run it will bite you in the ass.  Recently I was told that the smell of my dogs was something someone I was interested in couldn’t help but get past.  Well, I have dogs, it is what it is, and while I can only do my best to not smell like my dogs, they are in my home and the chances of getting past that are probably going to be difficult, but I can at least be aware of the situation and try to make that different.

Long term will it be sensible if you are looking for something serious when someone can’t handle the smell of dogs and you breed dogs….. probably not, without some major shifto chango in your life.  If I met the right person and that was going to be an issue, I would likely try to adjust things in order to make it work, but I am not likely to dump my pets.  Not being given the opportunity to correct something when you have that knowledge though sucks too.  There again though, if not given the opportunity to correct it, then it obviously wasn’t as important to the other person for it to be corrected.  Hint taken.  For the right person, I would change furniture in my home (which is coming soon anyway), have my dogs go to the groomer for proper bathing every couple of weeks, and make every effort possible to make things work.  The question is, would that sentiment be returned by the other party?  What effort would they make to fix anything?

How about this… you let someone into your life, build something seemingly real and strong with them over 5 or 6 months, feeling an amazing connection to them, and thinking the future is a positive thing just sitting there for you both, together.  You let him in, he knows where you live, he knows your kid, he knows your work, he knows your friends, but almost 6 months in, under a little gut feeling, you try to find out more about him.  He is standoffish where his past is concerned, and he doesn’t talk about his family or friends with first names.  He has a kid, but you don’t even know what her name is.  Yeah, the gut starts to kick in, you do a search for more information on him, and after 5 months of allowing someone in, you literally find out, not only has he not allowed you in, but he never even gave you his real name.  So I allowed you to know everything about me and what is precious to me in my life, but you don’t even trust me enough to know your first name?  Are you serious?  Why are you wasting my time?  If you don’t trust someone who share that kind of intimacy and love with you enough to share that detail, then what in the hell are you doing here and what exactly do you want from me?!

When approaching this I get a response about how he is a very private person.  Well how do you ever expect someone to love you for who you are, if you never let them know who you are?  The false front tells me nothing about the man inside, the man I want to know and the man I want to love.  Why would I ever make future plans with any man who is not willing to remotely let me in?  Yeah lets buy a house and live together with my being truly clueless as to you and who you are.  Everything I am and I have is on the table, on the line, exposed, and yet, you’re still holed up in your box.

Truth is, if people can’t accept you for you, they don’t deserve to be in your life.  I deserve good people in my life and great things.  Either you own who you are, and be proud of it, or you move along to live some falsity somewhere else.  I appreciate real.  Period.

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