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Historical Post: Psychopath Free - Dec 20, 2015

Psychopath Free —

December 20, 2015 by julieannhowe

In my ventures through life since my divorce, I’ve attempted to become self-aware, to heal and to not be the person I was at the end of my divorce.  Truth be told, I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror then. I was clingy and obsessive, I was scared and needy.  I was paranoid that anyone entering my life would quickly exit and abandon me.

I was once this solid amazing individual, and over the course of my relationship with my second husband, I had been destroyed, like literally torn to shreds and when I looked in the mirror I was a fragment of who I had once been.  I had no clue that what I had just gone through was that of a psychopathic relationship.  To be honest, I didn’t realize it in all it’s entirety until this week.

My daughter and I set talking last week about my life since my divorce and how I have not been able to truly recover from it.  She is quite insightful and she told me that she felt I should look into taking more time for me, and taking more time to heal.  I told her she was absolutely right, and I started looking for books to listen to that might actually help me get through and understand where I was in life.

I did a search on the internet for books regarding recovering from abusive relationships and this book showed up. 

 I wasn’t entirely sure it fit into my life, but then I read the prologue:

Have you ever been in a relationship with a psychopath? Chances are, even if you did, you would never know it. Psychopaths are cunning charmers and master manipulators, to the point where you start to accept the most extreme behaviors as normal… Even if it hurts you. All around us, every single day, human beings devoid of empathy are wreaking havoc and destroying lives in the coldest, most heartless ways imaginable. In constant pursuit of money, sex, influence, or simple entertainment, psychopaths will do whatever it takes to gain power over others. They hide behind a veil of normalcy, arranging their friends and partners like pawns in a game of chess.

Using false praise and flattery to get what they want, they can lure any unsuspecting target into a relationship.  Once hooked, their charming promises spin into mind games and psychological torture. Victims are left devastated and confused, unable to recognize—or even put into words—the nightmare that just took place.

This significantly expanded edition of Psychopath Free contains new chapters, updated content, and real survivor experiences. Written from the heart, it is the first guide for survivors written by a survivor, offering hope for healing and thriving after psychopathic abuse. Say goodbye to the chaos, self-doubt, and victimization. You are free.”

Okay, so I read the above prologue and I about fell out of my seat. What they said was so eerily familiar.  I wanted to know more, and I used one of my audible credits to load the audible version on my iPad.  I sat for the next three days listening to this book. To my shock and astonishment, it was as if someone had followed me through my 7 year relationship with my second husband and written everything down.  I was beside myself, amazed first that anyone could truly understand what I had been through, but also so sick to my stomach I wanted to wretch over how much I felt duped.

I remember throughout our relationship taking steps back and thinking, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t know how to love. I would watch how he behaved around other people and just feel like it was all an act, a con, he didn’t really love anyone.  I kept wondering as he held me at night and told me he loved me, how he could be so cruel and uncaring about how his actions affected me hours later in the morning.  When I say actions, it was anything from making fun of me, to cheating on me, or using me as a pawn in one of many gossip games he played in town.

This book starts out with about 30 points of behaviors that happen in a relationship with someone who is a psychopath, and it was as if the author had been in my brain feeling how he made me feel and noting each horrible step along the way.  He then goes on to list 6 points of courting a person to get them to fall in love, again, every one was spot on.  It was a relief and yet totally earth shattering at the same time. I had even now, still held on to the hope that he had actually loved me at one point, but in my heart I had known it wasn’t true, and after reading this book, I know the most he could have cared is just if I was still wrapped up enough to use again.

Let me say very clearly, I am no psychologist, and I can’t diagnose what or who someone is.  I can say however, from my personal experience, psychopathy is exactly what I spent 7 years attempting to build a life with, and 7 years of absorbing torture from.  The book even goes on to say that you will initially hate your ex’s new mates, because he will go about setting things up so you do, but that in the long run, you truly want to save them from what you experienced and you can’t.  They have to experience it for themselves and come out on the other side.

I remember his immediate girlfriend after we split one day walking up to me and saying, something about hoping I didn’t resent her or maybe asking if I did.  I do know what my response was, because even at the time I knew I had escaped something terrible even if I hadn’t lost that desire to be with him. I said, “you’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”  It was true, she had now taken on and absorbed his abuse and his horrible intentions. She eventually served the same purpose and the same agonizing fate.  Now his most current girlfriend, who I have known in town and seems amazing, will suffer hers as well, and nothing I say will change how she is currently feeling about him, because he has her in his spell.  I would love to save her, but I cannot.  I can only hope when things are done, she finds this book to at least understand where she is and to recover and become stronger for it like the rest of us in his path.

For clarity, some never recover 100%, and some recover much stronger.  If you take the time to read this book (or listen to it as I did), and you feel like this is your life on paper, seek guidance of a counselor to help you through everything, because this is no cake walk.  You were chosen by the psychopath because of your giant heart, your empathy, and you giving ways.  You were an easy person to prey on.  These are amazing qualities, and with the help and guidance of a counselor hopefully you can walk away from this experience in tact and very much with the same qualities you walked in with.

I’ve shared a link to the top right side of the page for the book, you can purchase it here for less than $10, and it is so worth that to gain some sanity and some reassurance that you aren’t alone and you can be whole again.

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