Historical Post: Always Evolving - Sept 25, 2015
Always evolving
September 25, 2015 by julieannhowe
This week brings about the end of a semi-long-term relationship for me. There are some things that I just want to put out there that I have been trying to portray to the other who was in my life. Being 41 and attempting to co-exist with another when you’ve spent 41 years learning how to be you is difficult. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am strong willed and I have made it as far as I have by doing things my way.
This isn’t to say that my way is always the right way, but for someone who is attempting to intermingle into my life and my world, you have to understand that I did what I did without your judgement before and I am likely to do what I think is best moving forward. Now, I will, however, listen to your opinion on how a situation might be best played out, however when it comes right down to it, how you present that opinion is monumental to the serenity of said relationship.
Here are a couple of examples:
Honey, with said situation, have you thought about doing it this way, because these outcomes might be beneficial if you can establish things this way.
vs.
What you are doing is all wrong and I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
One portrays caring, and the want to help someone, the other portrays your idea being overwritten by someone who thinks your idea is not as good. Words are you tools, you can either dig a trench with a hand held garden shovel that is dull, or you can conquer that puppy with a rotter tiller, and soften the ground while your at it!
I have heard more in the past few months how my ways are “funny”, that decisions I made for myself and my home and child are “cold-hearted,” or that financially I am putting myself in a bad place, when my income and financials are something we have NEVER discussed.
With that said, I am not well off (yet), and I have struggled some in the past, but NO ONE (except maybe my daddy, I <3 my daddy) has helped me do this! I got here, and have maintained the things that I have all by myself! My choices may not have me in a mansion on a hill yet, but I still own my house and I am still here, standing strong, paying my bills and even making home improvements in the process…. so I’m sorry but shove your financial advise where the sun doesn’t shine.
It’s not as if I have a second income in my home to assist with bills, this is all on me, has been and apparently for now, will continue to be. So be it. I can live with that. I would love to have someone in my life and be able to make amazing plans and go places. To buy property and maybe an SUV, but for now, I am doing what I do and keeping things afloat by being sensible and frugal. Things are progressively getting better and will continue to, because I’m on a mission and I have goals.
A constant negative feed from someone is very demoralizing and can really break ones spirit. Given my past and the dark nature of my relationship history, I take that pretty seriously, especially now as a sober person, because I don’t need to get to a place emotionally where I want to pick up a drink. Self-preservation is essential to maintain my health and well-being, and sobriety which of course ties into that.
With my recent situation, I attempted to point out the abusive manner in which things were constantly presented to me, and yet he didn’t see it… he felt he was caring and trying to help. This is where I realized that while I am set in my ways, so is he. Teaching an old dog new tricks isn’t going to happen without some serious sensitivity training in this case.
As if that wasn’t enough, obscene behavior was portrayed toward the LGBT community and in my world there is a ton of love for that community as I am PART of it. So what it comes right down to is, you don’t dig, you hit the pavement. I have no issue with those who are ignorant outside of my life, but inside it isn’t welcome (well I do have a problem with ignorance, but if it isn’t directly affecting my life, I don’t freak about it).
Okay and one more thing on this… if you are a minority of any kind, your ass better support other minorities. You KNOW how shitty being a minority feels. I don’t care if you are a woman, your skin is a different color, your religious preference isn’t understood, or if you like to wear a dress even though you were born biologically a man, you have dealt with the plight of being mistreated for who you are. Do not ever in my presence put down another minority because that makes you a GIGANTIC HYPOCRITE. 
Furthermore don’t ever treat someone that way or speak of someone in such a heinous manner and then tell me what a great person you are, because I’m not being it now that I heard that insanity come from your mouth.
This life can be pretty damn fantastic, but it can be pretty hard too, so if you have the chance, help others smile, don’t belittle or demean them. The world is full of love and great feelings, wonderful people and beautiful spirits, for goodness sake, don’t miss it, embrace it. Don’t hide behind hate and ignorance and miss the best parts!