As a Buddhist, there is a belief and understanding that any attachment to anything physical in this life will bring heartbreak and anguish. Initially I struggled to truly grasp what that meant. I mean I had an idea, but as time as gone on, I have really tried to understand what it means as things happen in my life.
I’ve found myself really analyzing how I feel when I lose something or someone in the physical sense and as time goes on, this statement makes more and more sense to me. The hard part is, learning in life how to love and appreciate things in your life without the actual attachment.
A good example of attachment is when separation occurs and you feel like you can’t survive without it. For instance, marriage. You marry with this earthly belief that we have from traditional religious views that it is eternal. You start together, you live life together, you die together and you move to the next life together.
In Buddhism, that is not the case. Each spirit you come into contact with, love, and share life with is a blessing in itself and part of what you are meant to experience. It isn’t guaranteed, promised, or written in stone that a marriage is eternal. It is an experience, a learning, and a gift, even if difficult or painful at the end. It is what we are supposed to learn from and move onto the next phase of life with enlightened from the experience.
With that being said, it doesn’t mean that you don’t have spirits in this life that haven’t been in your past life, or won’t be in your next. Some spirits are drawn together and will always traverse life close, intertwining and reconnecting. We will all have eternal connections, however they are not always the ones we feel should be eternal.
Divorce and break-ups hurt because we allow ourselves to become attached to the person we love. If you accept the fact that love happens and the spirit of the person you are with is here for a time, but may very well exit your life eventually, and you can grasp the joy of the time you do get to share, the exit may not be so painful when it happens.
This is not to say it is wrong to become attached. It is difficult not to, however, if you can figure out how separate love and connection to attachment, keeping part of yourself as independent and completely ready and capable to live without the other, you will find yourself spiritually and emotionally in a much better place if the end of a relationship comes to fruition.
Now, recently I found myself allowing that attachment to happen with someone for the first time since my divorce, and I found myself it that same horrible head space I had been in when I divorced. I would like to say that it is easily shut off and overcome, but life is an ever evolving experience of learning and moving forward. Moving forward I will not be so quick to let people in as much, and will strive for less attachment and more free spiritual love.