Historical Post: 2015

We have all heard the term, ‘you are your worst critic’ but living with that is hard.  There are few people in this world who don’t suffer from their own heavy self doubt.  Some are more fortunate that others and able to limit that doubt, but even the most confident of people tend to have underlying self doubt that eats at them.

My personal battles with self doubt are deep seeded, and probably similar to what battle’s other people feel as well.  I like to make it clear that I don’t feel I am any better off, or worse off than anyone else.  I have been through my own book-worthy story, but everyone has trials and tribulations, traumas and triumphs.  It really is just how you use the lesson’s life gives you to your advantage to succeed in life.

I like to consider myself fairly normal (for whatever bizarre meaning that truly holds), and just remind myself that I need to keep my chin up, reassure myself that I can only do what I can, and give my best at all I do.  I know what my strengths are, and I know very well what my weaknesses are too.

One of the hardest weaknesses to overcome for me personally is allowing others to influence how I feel about myself.  Whether it be about my heart, and the choices I make regarding the big beautiful things I really want to do in life, or about my skill set, my personal decisions, my ideals, or really anything else.   It is amazing how a few small words from someone can truly sink your spirit regarding whatever you are attempting to conquer.

I’ve found myself, since the events of this year (which you can follow in my Darkest Day’s postings), in a different place, seemingly with a different mind and a different set of thoughts.  I feel almost a stranger to myself since my changes.  My logic and general beliefs are the same, but I find myself being much more strong willed, and unwilling to falter from my course of action.  I think that is pretty fortunate because I’m sure after what I have been through, others might really waiver on who they are, but I have never been more certain of who I am. 

What I am not always certain on, and what I battle with, is how I am getting things done. I know clearly what I want to get done, but the path is sometimes unclear, and I have to clear it out. That is where other’s opinions can have the tendency to seep into my processes.  I know exactly how I want to do my job, but someone else’ opinion of how I do my job might affect if I believe in how I am doing it.  I know how I want to raise my children, but someone else might tell me I am wrong in the process and bring down my thoughts on what I am doing or the path I am on.

It is this that I battle. I have gotten past that point of allowing myself to let anyone influence what, but how I am still working on.  So how do I move past these negative shadows of thought?  I don’t ask others what to do, that is defeating the point of believing in what I am doing.  I stew on it, and really think about it.  I consider all options, and try to keep an open mind. Lord knows sometimes there are better ideas on how to hit a project, but I try very very hard not to let the negativity contaminate my plans.

If I find after I really look at everything that I still feel strongly about what I am doing, I don’t allow my path to be changed, but emotionally I might still hang on to the self doubt which could hinder my success.  That is the challenge, to overcome that self doubt.

With the law of attraction, that negativity can bring about more negativity, so by doubting myself I bring on more reason to doubt.  I have to step outside my own damaging thoughts and shed some bright and happy cheer, bring about my inner strength and be completely aware.  If I choose to love what I am doing and guide myself through that love, then everything will be okay.  Doubt in myself is a way of showing a lack of love in myself.  That is where I have to start.  So I sit and think of something I know I love about me.  I focus on that with my whole being, and allow myself to visualize it as a warmth in my core.  I then visualize and feel that warmth travel through my nerves and my capillaries, and expand through tissue radiating outward until I feel that warmth and tingling throughout my body.

As I do this, I can feel it beaming out of me, and I feel a smile cross my face and a twinkle enters my eyes.  That self love and taking time to, in essence, meditate and surround myself with that self love has an amazing affect, and builds a force field of positivity that can’t be penetrated.  In the morning I try to wake and surround myself with that force field every day.  I visualize it as I walk through the halls at work, and as I stand next to people I image them being basked in my positive vibes.  It sounds completely batshit crazy, but it really does work if you sit, visualize and believe in yourself.

The second thing I do, when it is possible to do it, is I remember to only keep people who feed positivity in my life.  I try to really access friendships, and relationships that will lift me up and bring about more positive feeling.  There are times you can’t remove certain people, but try to find love for them.  Understand and empathize for who they are, and love them for what they represent, even if you can’t always agree with it.  It will help you to keep your force field of positivity stronger regarding them.

No one else can believe in you if you don’t fully believe in yourself.  So get centered, believe in your power to be who you are, and stand for everything you represent.  For you are the maker of your world and the superstar of your own stage. Get your standing ovation.

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