Down for the count.... again!

Oh lord, getting old is hard! I am 45 years old and in the past year my body has demanded some repairs and that has been a major challenge. I spent my time in March recovering from a total reconstruction of my left foot. I tripped in flip flops years ago, long story short, damage was done, single mom who couldn't take time off to fix, and it came back to bite me 10 + years later.


Finally I recover and am walking and normal again, and I start to lose weight, become very active and then bam, my ankle on the right side goes down, and I start having issues with my knee as well. Surgeon says, ankle needs cartilage repair, or it will get worse and worse, and knee needs replaced.


I am beside myself with all of this. I know that my life and my weight has lead me to this place, and our parents give us those warnings in life.... be careful, your only body, take care of it, etc. As I watch them both go through a slew of their own body issues, I am now understanding and also entering into my own maintenance. Goodness.


The hardest part right now for me is feeling like I am having to take a hard stop on my working out. I refuse to. I've lost 62 lbs and I want to continue my process. I found an upper body workout I can do while injured and healing, and I bought myself some small dumbbells and resistance bands to work on my upper body while I am down.


Work isn't handling my being out well either, and that's lead to a whole level of depression I can't explain. I love my job. Like I really love my job. For things to have take the turn they have lately has been heartbreaking. I need to fix this issue with my body, but I find myself torn between fixing this for the long term benefits and being worried sick over how my job security is. My HR has put me on FMLA to protect me, but why doesn't it feel like I'm protected?


I feel like there are laws to help protect people, and yet when you find yourself in a position of using the laws that are there, it doesn't protect you in every way. Like it feels like there will be some other way, some other reason, they will find a way to give you the ax. With that said, I cannot say they are plotting against me or anything like that. I know much of my concerns may very well be in my own head. It's just a matter of the situation feeling uncomfortable, as well as some words that were less than encouraging prior to my leaving for surgery. Those words are now shared on the record with HR as well.


The fear of losing my job is a very real one. My kids and I have battled in poverty most of their lives. I have a good husband now, but even with that, our income (mine being a college level income) is still far below middle class. Scrapping by is all too familiar and being at rock bottom is sadly not far below our daily norm.


I don't share these things to talk trash about my work, or to cause issues, but really to just share that hardship and mental state that comes along with the unknowing. I am not in control of this situation, I have to ride it out, and hope that I make it through with a job. I truly believe in what my company does, and will continue to work toward their success. I hope they also work toward mine.


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